English Text

-Naruto- · 8. Dezember 2008

Hallo erstmal,

Ich bitte euch den unten liegenden Text nach Rechtschreibfehlern, Zeitfehlern ( Tenses), Zeichenfehler ( Kommas) und wod orderzu verbessen. Danke im Vorraus.

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The Outsiders
Characterisation of Johnny Cade

Johnny Cade is a sixteen years old boy and a member of the Greasers. He is very shy and cautious. This attitude has many reasons. One of them is his parents. His parents abuse him both verbally and physically. The father of Johnny beats him very often and his mother never gives him attention, and because of this he doesn’t feel comfortable at home. Usually he spends his time with his friends and doesn’t come home the whole day, because no one at home is worried about him. My opinion is that Johnny only wants to become apprehensiveness from his parents. The other reason for his shy and cautious attitude is an incident with the Socs. One day the Socs have attacked Johnny and he received many injuries. After this incident, his confidence shrivelled enormously.

Johnny has a very special role in his circle of friends. There he is the so-called “gangs pet.” He is a puppy that has been kicked to many times. In the story Johnny has got an archetype. It’s Dally. Dally is for him a very cool boy, because for him he is very brave. In the story Johnny describes a situation, where Dally was a hero for him. In this situation Two-Bit destroys some windows and the police ask the Greasers, who destroy it. Dally said it is his entire fault. But how I said, it isn’t Darry’s fault, its Two-Bits.

My opinion is there is another reason for Johnny’s shy attitude. When he was young he never has became attention and couldn’t share in childish processes. An example is the “sensible phase” where the child becomes affection and love from his parents. The consequences for this situation are that the boy, in that case Johnny, is going to be very cautious and doesn’t learn basic abilities.

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!mm0rtal!S · 8. Dezember 2008

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One of them ARE his parents.
ist einer von vielen^^

-Naruto- · 8. Dezember 2008

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könntet ihr wie gewöhlich den Text mit fettgeschriebenen Wörtern berbessern. bitteeee!!!!!!!!

phL · 8. Dezember 2008

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The Outsiders
Characterisation of Johnny Cade

Johnny Cade is a sixteen years old boy and a member of the Greasers. He is very shy and cautious. This attitude has many reasons. One of them is his parents. His parents abuse him both verbally and physically. The father of Johnny beats him very often and his mother never gives him attention, and because of this he doesn’t feel comfortable at home. Usually he spends his time with his friends and doesn’t come home the whole day, because at home noe one worries about him. My opinion is that Johnny only wants to become apprehensiveness from his parents. The other reason for his shy and cautious attitude is an incident with the Socs. One day the Socs have attacked Johnny and he received many injuries. After this incident, his confidence shrivelled enormously.

Johnny has a very special role in his circle of friends. There he is the so-called “gangs pet.” He is a puppy that has been kicked to many times. In the story Johnny has got an archetype. It’s Dally. Dally is for him a very cool boy, because for him he is very brave. In the story Johnny describes a situation, where Dally was a hero for him. In this situation Two-Bit destroys some windows and the police ask the Greasers, who destroy it. Dally said it is his entire fault. But how I said, it isn’t Darry’s fault, its Two-Bits.

My opinion is there is another reason for Johnny’s shy attitude. When he was young he never has became attention and couldn’t share in childish processes. An example is the “sensible phase” where the child becomes affection and love from his parents. The consequences for this situation are that the boy, in that case Johnny, is going to be very cautious and doesn’t learn basic abilities.

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is das einzige was ich vllt anders geschrieben hätte, weiß aber nicht obs falsch is, kommt mir aber so richtiger vor.

Ne frage: Welche Klasse bist du und hast du Englisch LK (falls Gymi Kollegstufe)? Ist das dein Text? Klingt nämlich recht gut für Schulenglisch ^^

Got2Be · 8. Dezember 2008

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Zitat von -Naruto-: ↑

Johnny Cade is a sixteen years old boy and a member of the Greasers.
He is very shy and cautious. This attitude has many reasons. One of them are his parents, they abuse him *BOTH WEG*verbally and physically.Johnny's dad beats him very often and his mother never pays *give darf man bei sowas nicht sagen! him attention, and because of this he doesn’t feel safe *comfortable passt nicht, safe ist besser bedeutet "geborgen" at home.
Usually he spends his time with his friends and doesn’t come home the whole day, because no one at home is worrying about him.
My opinion is that Johnny only wants to get *become passt garnicht* apprehensiveness from his parents. The other reason for his shy and cautious attitude is an incident with the Socs. One day the Socs have attacked Johnny and he received many injuries. After this happining *wenn man immer diesselben wörter benutzt ist es nicht so schön*, his confidence shrivelled enormously.

Johnny has a very special role in his circle of friends. His friends call him“gangs pet".
He is a puppy that has been kicked to many times.
In the story Johnny has got an archetype, it’s Dally. Dally is for him a very cool boy, because for him he is very brave.
In the story Johnny describes a situation, where Dally was a hero on his mind. In this situation Two-Bit destroys some windows and the police ask the Greasers, who destroyed it. Dally said it is his entire fault. But how I said, it isn’t Darry’s fault, its Two-Bits. *den satz würd ich streichen, ergibt in meinen augen keinen sinn*

From my point of view there is another reason for Johnny’s shy attitude. When he was young he has never got attention and couldn’t share in childish processes. An example is the “sensible phase” where the child becomes affection and love from his parents. The consequences for this situation are that the boy, in that case Johnny, is going to be very cautious and doesn’t learn basic abilities.

Klicke in dieses Feld, um es in vollständiger Größe anzuzeigen.

so naruto, da hab ich mir mal die mühe gemacht ...

meiner meinung nach ist das englisch auf dem niveau der 8. klasse, du benutzt vereinzelt gute wörter, aber dein text ist dermaßen unstrukturiert und durcheinander!
und dein englisch ist so "verdeutscht" become heist zum beispiel nicht bekommen, get heist auf englisch bekommen und da waren noch einige stellen wo du anscheinend auf deutsch gedacht hast und es dann auch englisch so geschrieben hast wie du es auch im deutschen sagen würdest

eine meisterleistung ist der text wirklich nicht, eben weil er so ungeordnet und ohne eine struiktur ist, nichtmals absätze hast du gemacht...

würde dir rein vom grammatischen eine 4 geben, vom inhalt her wiederholst du dich oft, aber ihc kann nicht beurteilen wie weit das richtig ist, aber wenn man alles 3 mal durchkaut was man schon geschrieben hat, machts einen text auch nciht wirkmlich besser ... nur evtl. länger

Mr. QQ · 8. Dezember 2008

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Müsste es nicht "sixteen year old boy" anstatt von "sixteen years old boy" heißen?

bin mit allerdings nicht sicher

maha.rishi · 8. Dezember 2008

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ja muss es!
der text ist echt schlecht sry

Got2Be · 8. Dezember 2008

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jop hast recht !

naruto, ein ernst gemeinter rat .. übe, übe, übe, je nachdem was du weitermachen willst nach der schule, englisch wird immer extrem wichtig sein

Heribert · 8. Dezember 2008

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jo mr. qq. hasse rescht.

ich find das ja ganz nett dass ihr ihm helfen wollt, aber ihr baut da ja selber wieder fehler ein. wenn, dann heißt es has never gotten, ist aber immernoch ziemlich schlecht geschrieben. naja, und eine zeile da drunter steht wieder "becomes", also wenn schon denn schon alles korrigieren.

mfg

Strawberryhills · 8. Dezember 2008

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Ähm da einige meinen zu verschlechtbessern... Werd ich mal Licht ins Dunkel bringen.
Ich behaupte nicht ich sei besser, aber Schlechter werde ichs nicht machen ... im gegensatz zu wem anders ^^

Zitat von -Naruto-: ↑

The Outsiders
Characterisation of Johnny Cade

Johnny Cade is a sixteen years old boy and a member of the Greasers. He is very shy and cautious. This attitude has many reasons. One of them are his parents. His parents abuse him both verbally and physically. The father of Johnny beats him very often and his mother never gives him attention, and this why he doesn’t feel comfortable at home. Usually he spends his time with his friends and doesn’t come home the whole day, because no one at home is worried about him. My opinion is that Johnny only wants to become apprehensiveness from his parents. The other reason for his shy and cautious attitude is an incident with the Socs. On ce the Socs have attacked Johnny and he received many injuries. After this incident, his confidence shrivelled enormously.

Johnny has a very special role in his circle of friends. There he is the so-called “gangs pet.” He is a puppy which has been often (?) kicked to many times. In the story Johnny has got an archetype. It’s Dally. Dally is for him a very cool boy, because for him he is very brave. In the story Johnny describes a situation, where Dally was a hero for him. In this situation Two-Bit destroys some windows and the police ask the Greasers, who destroyed it. Dally said it is his entire fault. But how I said, it isn’t Dally’s fault, its Two-Bits.

In my opinion (wg wiederholung) there is another reason for Johnny’s shy attitude. When he was young he never has became attention and couldn’t share in childish processes. An example is the “sensible phase” where the child becomes affection and love from his parents. The consequences for this situation are that the boy, in that case Johnny, is going to be very cautious and doesn’t learn basic abilities.

Klicke in dieses Feld, um es in vollständiger Größe anzuzeigen.

Demütigt mich öffentlich wenn ich was Falsch gemacht haben sollte

phL · 8. Dezember 2008

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lol leute chillt mal

ich hab den text vorhin überflogen und fand die wörter echt gut drum hab ich auf einen qualitativ guten text geschlussfolgert

und der ersteller hat ja nicht nach einer beurteilung in klassen gefragt sondern nach fehlern.

Got2Be · 8. Dezember 2008

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lol also wenn der qualitativ gut ist weiß ich auch nciht mehr ......

er hat einfach einpaar gute wörter benutzt die man eben nachschlagen kann ... mehr aber auch nicht

die strukturierung ist GRAUENHAFT, das tut weh sowas zu lesen

das ist wirklich kein guter text, jedenfalls verstehe ich unter einem guten text was anderes ......

Strawberryhills · 8. Dezember 2008

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Ja hier kann man aber verbessern. Wenn du einen guten Text dahinhaben willst, musst du den eigentlich neu schreiben... das stimmt schon, zu viele Wiederholungen, einfachste Wörter, falsche Reihenfolgen usw.

-Naruto- · 8. Dezember 2008

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So ich hab jetzt mal den Text mit euren Tipps überarbeitet. Wie würdet ihr den Text nun einschätzen.
Soll ich ihn nochmal schreiben?
Vielleicht könnt ihr ja den Text strukturieen da ich nun nicht richtig verstehe, wie man das tun muss.
Außerdem wollte ich noch sagen, dass nicht ich den Text geschrieben hab sondern mein Bruder, de die achte Klasse besucht. Ist dies ok für einen der die achte Klasse besucht?

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The Outsiders
Characterisation of Johnny Cade

Johnny Cade is a sixteen year old boy and a member of the Greasers. He is very shy and cautious. This attitude has many reasons. One of them is his parents. His parents abuse him verbally and physically. The father of Johnny beats him very often and his mother never pays attention and this why he doesn’t feel safe at home. Usually he spends his time with his friends and doesn’t come home the whole day, because no one worries about him at home. My opinion is that Johnny only wants to become apprehensiveness from his parents.

The other reason for his shy and cautious attitude is an incident with the Socs. Once the Socs have attacked Johnny and he received many injuries. After this incident, his confidence shrivelled enormously.

Johnny has a very special role in his circle of friends. There he is the so-called “gangs pet.” He is a puppy that has been often kicked.

In the story Johnny has got an archetype. It’s Dally. Dally is for him a very cool boy, because for him he is very brave. In the story Johnny describes a situation, where Dally was a hero on his mind. In this situation Two-Bit destroys some windows and the police ask the Greasers, who destroyed it. Dally said it is his entire fault.

From my point of view there is another reason for Johnny’s shy attitude. When he was young he has never got attention and couldn’t share in childish processes. An example is the “sensible phase” where the child becomes affection and love from his parents. The consequences for this situation are that the boy, in that case Johnny, is going to be very cautious and doesn’t learn basic abilities.

S1lence · 8. Dezember 2008

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veranker mal die arg kurzen sätze zusammen...

so in der art...

The sixteen year old boy Johnny Cade is a member of the Greasers. His very shy and cautious attitude has several reasons. To begin with there are his parents, who tend to abuse him both verbally and physically. He gets beaten up by his father regularly and his mother doesn't pay him any attention, what prevents him from feeling save at home....

-Naruto- · 9. Dezember 2008

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könntet ihr mit helfen. ich check das einfach nicht.

Spawn08 · 9. Dezember 2008

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Zitat von -Naruto-: ↑

The Outsiders
Characterisation of Johnny Cade

Johnny Cade is a sixteen year old boy and a member of a streetgang called the Greasers. Because he is mistreated by his parents, he has become a very shy and cautious guy. Johnny's father beats him very often and his mother never pays attention to him. This is the reason why he usually hangs out with his friends and avoids going home.

Another explanation for his behaviour is an incident with a rival streetgang, the Socs. They have attacked Johnny and he has received many injuries. After this happened, his confidence sank enormously. On top of that Johnny has a very special role in his circle of friends. He is the so-called 'gangs pet' , nothing more than a puppy.

In the story, Johnny gets to know Dally. He serves as a role model for the young boy, because he seems very brave and cool to Johnny. In a situation at night where Two-Bit destroys some windows and the police asks the Greasers who destroyed it, Dally shoulders the blame.

From my point of view there is another reason for Johnny’s attitude. When he was young he never got attention and couldn’t live trough childish processes like the 'sensible phase', where a child experiences affection and love from his parents. That's why Johnny has become a fearfully young man.

Klicke in dieses Feld, um es in vollständiger Größe anzuzeigen.

klar der spawn macht mal wieder deine hausaufgaben naruto und nie willst du ne bw geben =)

HiGh-FlY · 12. Dezember 2008

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The Outsiders
Characterisation of Johnny Cade

Johnny Cade is a sixteen year old boy and a member of a streetgang called the Greasers. Because he is(Geht auch wenn man nur sagt.. Getting) Getting mistreated by his parents, he has become a very shy and cautious guy. Johnny's father beats him very often and his mother never pays attention to him. This is the reason why he´s usually hanging aroung hangs out with his friends and avoids going home.

Another explanation for his behaviour is an incident with a rival streetgang, the Socs. They have attacked Johnny and he has suffered received(lol recieved wird eher für empfangen eingesetzt) many injuries. This incident decreased his self confidence sank ( sank passt irgendwie net) enormously. On top of that Johnny has a very special role in his circle of friends. He is the so-called 'gangs pet' , nothing more than a puppy. (hört sich extrem verenglischt aus den deutschen an.. würd ich weglassen oder anders schreiben)

In the story, Johnny gets to know Dally. He serves as a role model for the young boy, because he seems very brave and cool to Johnny. In a situation at night where Two-Bit destroys some windows and the police asks the Greasers who destroyed it, Dally shoulders the blame.(hört sich auch komisch an^^)

From my point of view there is another reason for Johnny’s attitude. When he was young (eher) As a child he never got attention and couldn’t live trough childish processes like the 'sensible phase', where a child experiences (experiences passt da irgendwie net)gets affection and love from his parents. That's why Johnny has become a fearfully young man.

Klicke in dieses Feld, um es in vollständiger Größe anzuzeigen.

joa soweit von mir^^

-Naruto- · 18. Dezember 2008

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Vielen Dank! Ich hasse dich High FLy ,aber eine BW kriegst du oO!

HiGh-FlY · 18. Dezember 2008

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ahahahhaha=) lol so geil, das muss ich quoten ..

ich lieb dich au^^ bekommst au ne bw

enteka · 18. Dezember 2008

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Haha, deswegen hab ich aufgehört, seine Texte zu korrigieren. =)

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