korrigieren des letters an host family!

Dieses Thema im Forum "Schule, Studium, Ausbildung" wurde erstellt von Liesii, 31. Dezember 2008 .

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  1. #1 31. Dezember 2008
    huhu!
    Hab heute meinen Breif an meine (noch unbekannte) Gastfamilie in den USA geschrieben, kann den vielleicht jemand korrigieren? =)
    Lg

    Dear host family,

    Foremost I want to express my thanks to you that you will give me the chance to become an exchange student and to take part in your daily life. I am glad about you will make it possible for me, to improve my written and spoken English, to get to know to alien things, to make new friends and, of course, to make unpayable and unforgettable experiences in America. I've never been to America before, but it was always a dream to acculturate and to extend my active vocabulary, foremost the American. And now i'ts reality: I will spend 5 months in the “country of the boundless possibilities”! :)

    But I will start at the beginning. My name is Lisa XYZ. I am a 16-year-old girl and I live together with my dad in ******. ****** is a county seat with about twenty thousand inhabitants and it is in Baden-Württemberg. Some days a week I live in *********, a city with about twenty thousant inhabitants, cause my mother lives there. At the moment I am a student of the 10th grade at Goethe Gymnasium in *********, which is a neighbour city to *******. There, My favourite subjects are Chemistry, History and Arts. My parents both work all day, so I have to work independent. I must have the willingness to compromise and have to respect others, also I plan and organize things by myself. But this doesn’t disturb me. I really enjoy doing that!

    I think my Mum is the most important person in my life. Most of the time we come along very well, but if we have a dispute, it always doesn’t last long, because both of us don’t endure. The relationship to my Dad is also okay. The relationship to my grandparents from the side of my Mum is lacking cause they live in Munic in Bavaria, but we see them about a few times a year. the connection to my grandparents of Dad’s side is quiet good, they live in Stuttgart near Ludwigsburg. So I'm often there and we're doing a lot together.

    In my free time I spend most of the time with my sister, my friends or I do my hobbies. Riding and take care about two horses of a girlfriend, cooking, ballroom dancing , reading and swimming are belonging to them for example. I regularly go riding once till five times a week. It would be very fine, if I could continue some of my hobbies when I am with you. But if this isn’t the case, it doesn’t matter. I'm very anxious to get into new hobbies and activities in America! My friends should be polite, clever, fair and nice to other people and they should consider that I can't understand all at the beginning. I hope also, that they'll help me at high school for example. I dislike people, who judge other people for their appearance, who aren’t helpful and polite to other people. Anyhow I want to learn something new, and that is one of the reasons for a stay abroad, similarly acculturation, to became acquainted the educational system and the americans usages. Here in Germany religion doesn’t play a big role in our family, Maybe this attitude changes when I am with you, or what do you think about religion?
    On weekdays we get up at quarter past six. Till I leave for the school bus at seven o’clock I have breakfast, sometimes together with one parent. When I come home after school at two o'clock, I cook lunch. I commiserate about my parents can’t participate because they are both on work. Till they come home at about half past six p.m. I do my housework-tasks and homeworks as far as I can. Often we have dinner together. There we talk about the things which happened during the day, about school and work. On weekends we do the shopping, care our garden, or with my sister I spend time at indoor swing-pools or play games with. But it is no matter what activity we do - the most important thing is that we do something together.

    I wish I get a nice, and loving new family with you. I hope you will support and help me, especially at the beginning, i hope that i won't have a huge culture shock :) I hope that you won't spoil me as a guest, peculiar that you'll admit me beeing a full family member. I know that an exchange student must have the willingness to perform, if he wants to succeed in this time. You get a highly motivated and positive student with me. I have the ambition and the perseverance to go along even with high requests. I work independent and I have the willingness to compromise, I enjoy planning and organizing things and I respect others. Hopefully these are reasons for your family to welcome me for five months.

    After this exchange year I hope that I have a good command of speak and an even more independent life than now. If I do my Abitur (you can compare the Abitur with your high school diploma) successfully, I want to study in the domain of science. There I will need English as well as in the abitur. So it would be very helpful for me, to take part in such a program. I think the job as ambassador for Germany, is a demanding an interestingand honorable activity. I hope I didn’t bore you with all the information- hopefully all you wanted to get. Now I put trust in your family that you can achieve my dream spending a half year abroad. I will do my best to make this year nice for both of us and I think that we can learn many things of each other.
    Of course I will take great efforts to spend a successful year at an American high school. I am really looking forward to meet you and I am very exited to live in your country as a member of your family.
    I am glad about getting a letter with your address. Also nice greetings from the rest of my family.

    Love,
    Lisa
     

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  3. #2 31. Dezember 2008
    AW: korrigieren des letters an host family!

    to alien things sagt man sicherlich nicht im sprachgebrauch an sich, oder? das würde ich in zb foreign things oder einfach new ändern.
    but i will würde ich zu but i want machen.
    But this doesn’t disturb me < streichen, ist unnötig das zu erwähnen. munich wird doch mit h am ende geschrieben oder?
    bei hobbies würde ich nicht are belonging to them... das ist schulenglisch bzw 1:1 übersetzt. sagt keiner. da reicht "i do x, y, z, just to name some of them".

    ich habs jetzt mal zu hälfte durch und muss sagen, dass ich dabei einschlafe :D es ist wirklich schulenglisch, was dir aber nicht vorzuwerfen ist, darum gehst du ja in die staaten,. aber es ist einfach eine plumpe auflistung. warum willst du den leuten schon alles aus deinem leben erzählen? lass dir doch einiges übrig, damit ihr da auch direkt themen habt. ansonsten schweigt ihr euch sicher erstmal nur an oder es wird alles ein zweites mal durchgekaut.
    dann glaube ich kaum, dass die leute ahnung von deutscher geographie haben. jedoch erwähnst du 20 orte in deinem brief.... verstehst du was ich meine? :) ich würds generell kürzer halten...
     
  4. #3 2. Januar 2009
    AW: korrigieren des letters an host family!

    Riding and taking care...
    Gerund! ;)
     
  5. #4 2. Januar 2009
    AW: korrigieren des letters an host family!

    das mit dem gerund ist mir an verschiedenen stellen aufgefallen zb auch in dem satz mit im glad about you MAKING it possible ...
    und: du benutzt häufig will future wo ich persönlich going to form für viel sinnvoller halte zb gleich am anfang: that you ARE GOING TO GIVE me the chance to become...
    auch benutzt du viel I am satzanfang: das sollte man vermeiden-
    achte da mal drauf
    leider hab ich grad nicht die zeit ne komplette korrektur zu machen aber ich hoffe ich komm da nachher mal zu :)
     
  6. #5 2. Januar 2009
    AW: korrigieren des letters an host family!

    Also : Man merkt , dass du auf das Gymnasium gehst. Dieses Oxford Englisch ist schrecklich. Dafür kannst du natürlich nichts. Wenn man so ein Englisch in einem Pub redet , kannst du sichr sein ,dass dir jemand sehr weh tun wird. Den Brief kannst du so stehen lassen . Nach längerem Aufenthalt in Amerika wirst du schon merken wie sich dein Englisch verändern wird :).
     
  7. #6 2. Januar 2009
    AW: korrigieren des letters an host family!

    Von oben nach unten lesen. Textstellen sind durch ---------- markiert. Sorry für das Chaos, hatte aber nicht all zu viel Zeit. Wenn du noch fragen hast, poste sie. BW für die Arbeit wäre schon nice ^^



    Foremost I want to express my thanks to you that you will give me the chance to become ....----------------

    anders formulieren, der relativsatz stinkt, würde außerdem ein komma fehlen..
    -> for giving me the chance

    and, of course...------------

    über das komma würde ich nocheinmal nachdenken


    acculturate vocabulary......---------------
    diesen zusammenhang gibt es nicht


    now i'ts reality----------------

    erklärt sich von selbst ;)


    so I have to work independent.---------------------------

    da independent hier auf das verb bezogen ist, ist es ein adverb. -> independently
    da sich das aber schrecklich anhört, würde ich on my own, oder sonst irgendetwas verwenden

    I must have the willingness to compromise and have to respect others, also I plan and organize things by myself.--------------------------------

    hört sich schlecht an, würde den ersten teilsatz verändern, außerdem beide teilsätze trennen.


    both of us don’t endure--------------------

    endure in what? so kannst du das nicht sagen


    lacking cause...-------------------

    wenn du kommas in kausalen nebensätzen setzt, musst du dies auch durchgängig tun

    year. the -------------------

    groß ;)

    In my free time I spend most of the time ----------------------------

    da würde ich ein komma hinsetzen (in my free time, I spend..)
    außerdem würd kommt hier 2 mal time in einem ns vor, würde ich austauschen

    I regularly go riding once till five times a week.----------------------

    für regelmßige tätigkeiten benutzt man im englischen simple present, daher umschreiben


    It would be very fine, if -----------------------------

    it und would zu 99% nicht! zusammen in einen satz packen


    I can't understand all at the ----------------------

    meinst du hier all oder everything?

    abroad, similarly acculturation, to became acquainted the educational system and the americans usages.--------------------------------

    verändere den satz, wenn du nicht willst, dass sie denken das du merkwürdig bist ^^
    viel zu hochtragend, meiner meinung nach


    Here in Germany religion doesn’t play a big role in our family, Maybe t...----------------------

    Here in Germany, religion <
    maybe klein

    with one parent. --------------

    one of my parents

    participate because t ----------------

    komma + warum because auf einmal? hast doch die ganze zeit die abgeküzte version genutzt


    Till they come home at about half past six p.m. I do my housework-tasks and homeworks as far as I can.-----------------------

    falsche satzstellung, nebensätze tauschen, außerdem würde ich until verwenden

    indoor swing-pools o-------------------------

    swimming pools? außerdem würde ich den bindestrich rausnehmen, wenn du nicht willst, dass sie an schwimmende pools denken

    I get a nice, and loving new family--------------------

    komma weg

    ecially at the beginning, i hope that i won't have a huge culture shock ------------------

    especially und 2. teilsatz bitte abtrennen

    beeing ------------

    being

    You get a highly motivated and positive student with me.---------

    hört sich so an, als ob du noch jemanden mitbringst :p
    I will do my best to be/become a highly motivated and positive student.

    I work independent and I ha..-------------------------------

    wieder adverb

    exchange year I hope that I have a good command of speak and an even more independent life than now. If I do my Abitur (you can compare the Abitur with your high school diploma) -----------

    warum ist abitur auf einmal groß? oben war es noch klein, good command of english und komma in den ersten teilsatz setzen

    Now I put trust in your family that you can achieve my dream spending-----------------

    relativsatz/ausdruck fail, Now I put trust in your family, so that you can help to achieve..

    year nice for both of us and I think that ---------------

    2. I rausnehmen


    I am glad about getting a letter with your address. --------

    I am looking forward to..würde sich besser anhören
     
  8. #7 3. Januar 2009
    AW: korrigieren des letters an host family!

    Also hier stimmt das aber mit dem Infinitiv ;)
     
  9. #8 3. Mai 2010
    AW: korrigieren des letters an host family!

    "]hallo leute,kann mir jemand helfen ..möchte ende des jahres als au pair nach amerika hier habe ich schon mal ein letter geschriebn weis nur nicht ob das gramatisch und so gut ist ...kann jemand nachschauen ??+
    danke lg ?(





    Hello Host Family,



    First, I want you to read my letter and to thank a lot of time on getting to know me better. I am really looking to stay a year abroad in your country. In the following lines I would like to introduce myself and tell you something about my family, hobbies, daily life, and my hopes and expectations for the coming year. I'm glad you make it possible for me to improve my written and spoken English, learn, get to know other things, making new friendships and, of course, to make priceless and unforgettable experiences in America.
    My name is Kristina and I am 21 years old and come from XXXX, it is a town west of Germany, I have lived for more than two years in a separate apartment above my parents. I have a year before my three annual training as a nurse successfully and is currently still working there in a closed area for sick demented people who are very much as children need (help wash and dress the food, etc.) makes me a lot of fun, with people work together, young and old, with my learned pedagogical knowledge, I would like them to stand side I love children'm happy when I see them as they grow up, like the experience I already have children more than 300 hours gerabeitet do together. have in my youth
    Attention neighbors often friends with u on small children.
    My family consists of five persons Neda my mother 59, my fahter Marko 61, 29 sister Katarina think brother Brane I. 31, and the relationship between my parents and I am usually very good and they are very important for me because I can tell them anything, at any time and they help me to solve my problems and they want to support me to be an Au Pair. We spend much time together.
    My hobbies are dancing, singing, traveling, meeting friends and I love to cook ......
    I want to be an Au Pair because I love children. I like to take care of them, play with them, educate them and everything back of her affection to me. It is amazing to see how they grow and I want to be part of it. I think the au pair job is the best opportunity, all about an American family and American culture.

    So if your looking for someone with a positive attitude that is friendly, kind, open minded, and who likes children, do not hesitate to contact me, because I really am I talking to you!
    Sincerely, Kristina
     

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