Script-Unexpected-Kurzfilm project.

Dieses Thema im Forum "Kino, Filme, Tv" wurde erstellt von !nV!$!bL3, 12. März 2007 .

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  1. #1 12. März 2007
    Hallo ich arbeite gerade an einem kurzfilm project und wollte euch mal mein script (dreh buch vorstellen und hoeren was ihr dazu sagt, vll verbesserungs vorschleage oder so, naja hier ist es:

    Code:
     [CENTER][CENTER][B][I][U][FONT=&quot]Script[/FONT][/U][/I][/B][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [FONT=&quot]1.INT. House Doorway - Morning[/FONT]
     
     [FONT=&quot]JACK an old businessman is walking through the doorway to go to work. He his 40 years old and wears a business suit. He is normal build and is busy. Before he reached the door his daughter (SALLY) appears. She is a 17-year-old teenager. She got blond hair and wears hot pens and a top.[/FONT]
     
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]SALLY[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot](Bagging)[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]Dad, can I go to the party tonight, it’s really important all my friends go there.[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]JACK[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot](Strictly)[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]No. Yesterday I told you, you have to do your homework if you want to go the party tonight and what did you do? Nothing.[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]SALLY[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot](Angrily)[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]You are just interested in my school not in me[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]JACK[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot](ANGRYLY)[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]That’s not true, but I got no time anymore. We’ll talk when I come back from work.[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [FONT=&quot]Jack leaves the door. Daughter (SALLY) looks sad.[/FONT]
     
     [FONT=&quot]2.Int. House Doorway – Afternoon[/FONT]
     
     [FONT=&quot]Jack, samed dressed as in 1. Comes inside the house through the door.[/FONT]
     
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]JACK[/FONT][/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=&quot]([/FONT]Exhausted)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Sally?[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     No answer.
     
     [CENTER][CENTER]JACK[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Angry)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Sally, where are you I said we’ll talk when I come back.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     Jack goes to the kitchen.
     3.INT. Kitchen – Afternoon.
     
     It looks like a normal middle class kitchen with a round table. On the table is a letter. Jack sees the later while walking to the fridge. Jack goes and opens the latter. The letter is a din A4 made with little pieces from a newspaper or a magazine. Jack starts sitting down at the table.
     
     
     [CENTER][CENTER]JACK[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Scared)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Oh shit.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     
     
     He starts to read and doing the quests, which are on the letter.
     When Jack finished he looks at his clock.
     
     
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](In Hurry)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Okay I got the right answers. Let’s go only 45 minutes left.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     Jack stands up very fast and runs out side the door.
     
     4.EXT. Outside the house – Afternoon
     
     Jack runs from the door to his cars and drives fast away.
     
     5.EXT. In the town in his car – Afternoon.
     
     Jack drives through the town to the Lagoon. Very fast. While driving he looks every few seconds on his watch.
     
     
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Whistling)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]40 minutes left.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Whistling)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]35 minutes left[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     5.EXT.Lagoon – Afternoon/Night
     
     Jack goes out of his car and runs into the lagoon. He watched around for clues but he could see nothing. Then a small person high like his daughter with coach and hood bumped into him. While bumping the unknown person puts a letter in Jacks pocket.
     The unknown person goes away and when the person left Jack feels the letter in his pocket.
     
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Unexpected)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Uh, what is this?[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     Jack pulls the letter out and reads it. Another quest. This time he needs some more minutes because this quest is a really difficult one. After completing:
     
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Successful)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Sure the river cliff. But I got only 5 minutes left.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     Jack runs immediately to his car and drives as fast away as he can.
     
     6.INT.In Jacks Car – Night.
     
     Jack looks at his speed indicator. Jack looks at his watch only 3 minutes to go, he drives up to the cliff and hold in front of his daughter.
     
     7.EXT.At the cliff – Night
     
     Father runs to the daughter who is visible because the lights from the car shining to her.
     
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Scared)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Where is he?[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Sally[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Sad)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Where is who?[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Surprised)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Your Kidnapper?[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Sally[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Sad)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]I wrote the letter. I am sorry, I want to know if you still like me because it doesn’t seems like.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     Sally starts to cry.
     [CENTER][CENTER]Jack[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Sad)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Sally come don’t jump, I still love you, you are my daughter.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]We got many arguments but there will be another opportunity than this. Please come to me.[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Sally[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER](Sadly)[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     [CENTER][CENTER]Okay[/CENTER]
    [/CENTER]
     Sally walks to jack and wishes the waterworks away. They go together in their car. They drive slowly away.
     
    wuerde mich natuerlich ueber jedes feetback freuen :)
     

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  3. #2 12. März 2007
    AW: Script-Unexpected-Kurzfilm project.

    Gut , story is recht simpel. Anfangs versteht man nit glei was in dem brief stehen könnte , er liest nur un rennt weg , un vielleicht hätteste scho bisl die einzelnen "quests" erläutern koennen. bisl undurchsichtig so.

    das ende is etwas un spektakulär , kamma vielleicht ja noch was mit machen ;)



    und wie ich schon im IRC sagte : Satzbau / Rechtschreibung vielleicht nochmal ueberarbeiten ;)


    ansonsten viel erfolg ;>



    gruß
     

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